Holy Pineapple, Batman!
by poestheblackcat
Summary: Shawn and Gus hang out with Shawn's cousin Eliot. Written for comment-fic at LJ. Prompt: Any, what the hell is a plucky sidekick?


Summary: Shawn and Gus hang out with Shawn's cousin Eliot. Written for comment-fic at LJ. Prompt: Any, what the hell is a _plucky_ sidekick?

I just started watching _Psych_ after _Leverage_ ended (*sob*) so this is a silly (not-so-)little dialogue-only thing that appeared in my head when I saw the prompt. I'm trying to get Gus and Shawn's voices down, but I'm not sure if I managed it. By the way, this probably won't make much sense if you haven't seen _Psych_.

* * *

**Holy Pineapple, Batman!**

"I am not the sidekick, Shawn."

"Don't be such a chocolate syrup-covered sundae, Gus! You're my trusty assistant, _which means_ you're my plucky sidekick!"

"A sidekick is 'a person's close associate, especially one who has less authority.' I do not have less authority!"

"Come on, who's the psychic here? Me. Moy. _El_ psycho is _yo_."

"It's _'moi,'_ like 'mwah,' Shawn. And you're mixing languages."

"I've heard it both ways."

"And 'psycho,' really? Besides, 'psychic' sounds like 'sidekick.' So there."

"Oh, you wanna go there?"

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah?"

"Will you two shut the hell up?"

"How about Eliot? He can be the sidekick to us heroes."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"He can be the Robin to our Batmans. Batmen."

"Which Robin, though? Dick, Jason, Tim, that girl, or Damien?"

"What was the chick's name? Stephanie Romanov?"

"No, that's the actress who played the other evil lawyer on that vampire show. You know, the one who was always with the short one who got his hand chopped off. Girl Robin was Stephanie Brown."

"Oh yeah."

"Yeah."

"Hey, where'd Eliot go?"

"If you two girls are done arguin' about who's the sidekick..."

"Holy pineapple, Batman! Eliot just killed twenty goons while we were talking about-"

"-discussing-"

"-discussing sidekickiness! Which makes Eliot Batman!"

"Or Wolverine. I like Eliot as Wolverine."

"Gus, why would Eliot be Wolverine? He doesn't carry his dog tags with him! And I don't think yellow spandex is his thing."

"Boys! Get yer asses goin' or I swear to God I'll leave you here."

"You can't leave us here, Eliot! We're your sidekicks!"

"Yeah, your plucky sidekicks."

"The hell is a _plucky_ sidekick?"

"You know what a plucky sidekick is."

"Yeah, us!"

"Next time, I'm gonna tell Uncle Henry that I ain't a babysitter."

"Babysit?! _Gus, did that sound indignant enough?"_

_"I think you sounded very indignant, Shawn. _How dare you insinuate that we can't take care of ourselves, Eliot?"

"He said, get you home in one piece. He didn't say you had to be conscious."

"You wouldn't!"

"Wanna bet, Shawny?"

_"He's kidding, right?"_

"Yeah, totally kidding."

"I can sense that you are bluffing and that you wouldn't hurt a hair on your dearest cousin's head."

"Or his friend's."

"Or his plucky sidekick's shiny domelike head."

"Oh yeah, Shawn? I can sense that I can kill you in 3.4 seconds and hide your bodies before your dad even knows you're gone."

"And I can kill you with my brain!"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"What's he doing now?"

"I think he's meditating."

"That vein in his temple's going like a jackhammer. Look at it! I wanna poke it. Can I poke it?"

"That can't be healthy. Does anyone in your family have a history of hypertension? I can recommend a- "

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Did he really just kick us out of the car?"

"Bodily picked us up and yanked us out onto the side of the road in the middle of nowhere? Yes, he did, Shawn."

"Man. Now we'll have to walk home."

"This is all your fault, Shawn."

"My fault? You're the one who started asking him about his blood pressure!"

"I was concerned about his health. What's wrong with that?"

"You were trying to sell him drugs!"

"Drugs? Only FDA-approved pharmaceuticals. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Hey, is that Dad's truck? Dad! Dad! Over here!"

"Over here!"

"Dad! Eliot was mean and threw us out of his- "

"He's not going to stop."

"Yes, he is…Dad?"

"I told you, Shawn."

"Don't be such a know-it-all, Gus."

"If you hadn't- "

"If I hadn't?"

"Yeah, if you hadn't- "

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."


End file.
